Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A woman's recounting of life and food allergies.
Initial thoughts after reading this book: I'm so glad we're not Catholic. Also, could my prenatal vitamins have caused my daughter's wheat allergy?
Sandra Beasley is lucky to be alive. Given the types of food she's allergic to (egg, beef, shrimp, milk (even goat's milk), soy, pine nuts, cucumbers, cantaloupe, honeydew, mango, macadamias, pistachios, cashews, swordfish and mustard) she takes many risks with her diet and constantly recounts her allergic attacks in this book. She doesn't ask what's in drinks, preferring instead to be a good sport, then vomits and spends the night huddled on the couch in a Benadryl-induced haze. Her reluctance to manage her significant food allergies annoyed me, as if she kept trying to prove how normal she was and how she's suffers, just by bravely going along.
But Beasley, along with many people with food allergies, doesn't use her epi-pen, because she doesn't want to be a freak. She also doesn't want to automatically go to the E.R. It also made me wonder if perhaps Beasley's symptoms are psychosomatic, that she enjoys drawing attention from whomever is the star of the day - a new bride, an engaged friend, a birthday girl. It's so unsympathetic, I know, but her reactions, combined with her food allergies and her reluctance to use effective medicine, makes me suspicious.
As Dr. Phil would ask, "How's that working for ya?" It works quite well, because Beasley simply does NOT take care of herself, instead preferring the coddling and special attention she gets. My daughter does have allergies, and we are VERY careful to avoid exposure, bringing instead special cupcakes to birthday parties and always providing safe, fun snacks. But Beasley will take "one bite" pretending that she's being polite, but then undergoing a reaction.
I thought the book lacked structure, hopping from subject and time period, with little cohesiveness. We are introduced to her childhood allergies, then college, years, then her current boyfriend, then a previous boyfriend, with an unclear narrative direction. It surprised me to find out that Beasley was actually a writer, since this book was not an easy read. Perhaps her food reviews (yes, we all appreciate the irony of an allergic food writer) require only a few words, and not the smooth transitions required in a book.
I did like the part on wheat allergies and the Catholic Church's stand on the gluten in the communion wafer the best. Apparently, the body of Christ can only be found in wheat wafers, and the Catholic church suggests taking only part of the wafer as gluten-free wafer, are not acceptable according to the Catholic Church. This was the part that made me glad we're not Catholic.
The other fascinating part of the book, for me, focused on Beasley's visit to a food allergy conference. She encounters charts displays, diagrams and giveaways. I wanted more discussion about the link between the increase of prenatal folic acid and allergies, or the Hygiene Hypothesis or other suggested causes of food allergies. Case studies of adult she knows, and how they manage their own food allergies with their children in the house did redeem the book slightly, but seemed thrown in at the end. I wish I could recommend this book, but the poor writing and the author's self-abuse by eating allergenic foods bothered me too much.
Showing posts with label Non-fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Non-fiction. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The Family Dinner: Great Ways to Connect with Your Kids, One Meal at a Time by Laurie David & Kirstin Uhrenholdt
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: Advice and suggestions from celebrities, nutritionists, chefs and parents about how to connect with your children during the dinner hour.
This book was like the September Issue of Vogue magazine, but for dinner. It's not quite a cohesive book, but a series of short articles, recipes, ideas and games to make eating dinner as a family a goal.
However, it's inspiring and thought-provoking. I loved it. Laurie David, wife of Larry David (Seinfeld co-creator) and environmentalist, hired a chef to cook for her when her work got too involved for her to cook for her kids and still eat together. Their cook Kirstin Uhrenholdt provides many of the recipes but celebrity chefs from Cat Cora to Mark Bittman (currently my new foodie crush) share recipes. Hiring a personal chef is ridiculous to me, but keep in mind they live in Hollywood, where there's often more money than sense. However, if I could afford a personal chef, I would in a heartbeat.
The book talks about meatless Mondays, alternative protein sources and ways to eat better without hurting the earth. There are also game a discussion ideas (my kids eagerly played long), gardening advice, storage advice - really, a little bit of everything; just like a magazine.
What I really wanted, and partially got, were guidelines for how we should act as a family together. Laurie's 10 steps are what I wanted even if Step Five: Everyone Tries Everything led to table pounding, slammed plates and one child in tears.There's also advice from Ellyn Sattler, one of the food experts and someone with whose philosophy I struggle.
I so want my husband to read this book, but he's too busy. (Yes, I do appreciate the irony.) But this advice only reinforces the ways I can practice my beliefs about good citizenship, parenting, and nutrition. My only disappointment was that there was only a casual mention of food allergies and sensitivities, but planning meals when two children have different food issues is difficult even for a nutritionist, and not just a busy mom who loves to read.
Summary: Advice and suggestions from celebrities, nutritionists, chefs and parents about how to connect with your children during the dinner hour.
This book was like the September Issue of Vogue magazine, but for dinner. It's not quite a cohesive book, but a series of short articles, recipes, ideas and games to make eating dinner as a family a goal.
However, it's inspiring and thought-provoking. I loved it. Laurie David, wife of Larry David (Seinfeld co-creator) and environmentalist, hired a chef to cook for her when her work got too involved for her to cook for her kids and still eat together. Their cook Kirstin Uhrenholdt provides many of the recipes but celebrity chefs from Cat Cora to Mark Bittman (currently my new foodie crush) share recipes. Hiring a personal chef is ridiculous to me, but keep in mind they live in Hollywood, where there's often more money than sense. However, if I could afford a personal chef, I would in a heartbeat.
The book talks about meatless Mondays, alternative protein sources and ways to eat better without hurting the earth. There are also game a discussion ideas (my kids eagerly played long), gardening advice, storage advice - really, a little bit of everything; just like a magazine.
What I really wanted, and partially got, were guidelines for how we should act as a family together. Laurie's 10 steps are what I wanted even if Step Five: Everyone Tries Everything led to table pounding, slammed plates and one child in tears.There's also advice from Ellyn Sattler, one of the food experts and someone with whose philosophy I struggle.
I so want my husband to read this book, but he's too busy. (Yes, I do appreciate the irony.) But this advice only reinforces the ways I can practice my beliefs about good citizenship, parenting, and nutrition. My only disappointment was that there was only a casual mention of food allergies and sensitivities, but planning meals when two children have different food issues is difficult even for a nutritionist, and not just a busy mom who loves to read.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Parentonomics: An Economist Dad Looks at Parenting by Joshua Gans
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A blog expanded into book form by an Australian economist professor, who tries to explain economic principles through parenting examples.
This is an odd parenting memoir. It's not quite an economics books, but more or a parenting memoir. Joshua Gans refers to his children as Child No. 1, Child No. 2 and Child No. 3. I can't tell if his "children's mother" is his current wife, an ex-wife, an unmarried domestic partner or if this is some social experiment or Australian cultural norm. Names, even pseudonyms, would have humanized this book a little more. I was especially turned off when Gans explores the incentives to parents of letting a child "cry it out" and the economic principles that child is exploring by night waking.
Gans touches on toilet training, labor and delivery, breast-feeding, kids birthday parties, car seats and safety, and punishment. His unique take on each of the situations is sometimes funny, sometimes disturbing (Is it cultural or a different style of parenting? - I don't know) but always thought-provoking. Am I glad I read it? Yes. Would I read more by him? Doubtful. As a writer, his style may be better suited to his blog, as I found it a hard book to get through.
Summary: A blog expanded into book form by an Australian economist professor, who tries to explain economic principles through parenting examples.
This is an odd parenting memoir. It's not quite an economics books, but more or a parenting memoir. Joshua Gans refers to his children as Child No. 1, Child No. 2 and Child No. 3. I can't tell if his "children's mother" is his current wife, an ex-wife, an unmarried domestic partner or if this is some social experiment or Australian cultural norm. Names, even pseudonyms, would have humanized this book a little more. I was especially turned off when Gans explores the incentives to parents of letting a child "cry it out" and the economic principles that child is exploring by night waking.
Gans touches on toilet training, labor and delivery, breast-feeding, kids birthday parties, car seats and safety, and punishment. His unique take on each of the situations is sometimes funny, sometimes disturbing (Is it cultural or a different style of parenting? - I don't know) but always thought-provoking. Am I glad I read it? Yes. Would I read more by him? Doubtful. As a writer, his style may be better suited to his blog, as I found it a hard book to get through.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
I Know I Am, But What Are You? by Samantha Bee
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A memoir of her childhood from comic Samantha Bee.
Canada is much wilder than I ever imagined. Samantha Bee's memoir as a child growing up in Canada is full of escapades that make me cringe, both as a mother, and as someone who thought Canada was normal but boring. Drug use, severely underage drinking, late night concerts. If it wasn't so funny, I would be horrified.
As a memoir, it felt more like I Was Told There'd Be Cake
by Sloane Crosley - a collection of narratives, rather than a linear story of childhood. That's not to say it was bad, just that it was not quite a memoir.
Parts are very funny and certain chapters just didn't work for me at all.
Summary: A memoir of her childhood from comic Samantha Bee.
Canada is much wilder than I ever imagined. Samantha Bee's memoir as a child growing up in Canada is full of escapades that make me cringe, both as a mother, and as someone who thought Canada was normal but boring. Drug use, severely underage drinking, late night concerts. If it wasn't so funny, I would be horrified.
As a memoir, it felt more like I Was Told There'd Be Cake
by Sloane Crosley - a collection of narratives, rather than a linear story of childhood. That's not to say it was bad, just that it was not quite a memoir.Parts are very funny and certain chapters just didn't work for me at all.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah Vowell
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
A third hand accounting of the history of Hawaii until its statehood, by a history buff.
Fans of This American Life will know Sarah Vowell's squeaky voice and her quirky views, but her books are a different story, literally.
Take the Cannoli
was the first book of hers that I read, but I had trouble finishing Assassination Vacation
.
Sarah avoids commas as fervently as I love them, with a chatty conversational style. Her loneliness is palpable and I felt pity for the author that this was her life and focus. But who am I to talk? She's a published author and I'm not. If it weren't for my love of Hawaii, I might have given up on this book. Here's a classic example of Sarah Vowell's writing:
Sarah Vowell likes to take intense, deep looks into certain period of American history, finding any all all connections to the people and places. She traces the unification of the Hawaiian islands all the way up until statehood, focusing primarily on the missionaries and the whalers. Vowell gets sidetracked about very minor characters in history, and barely mentions Princess Kaiulani, who actually traveled to Washington D.C. to petition the government for sovereignty. In her description of the illegal annexation of Hawaii, she completely dismisses a key player. It's an interesting choice.
This book challenged some of the assumptions I had about Hawaiian history, having taken more than a few Hawaiian history classes growing up in school in Hawaii. My husband, who grew up in Iowa, never had to take Iowa history, but then again, nobody ever wanted to possess Iowa for its military significance or prime location.
I felt this was an incomplete book, but only because I was educated in the nuances and practical details of the repercussions of Hawaii's statehood. This book is a dense one; expect to need to take frequent breaks.
A third hand accounting of the history of Hawaii until its statehood, by a history buff.
Fans of This American Life will know Sarah Vowell's squeaky voice and her quirky views, but her books are a different story, literally.
Take the Cannoli
was the first book of hers that I read, but I had trouble finishing Assassination Vacation.Sarah avoids commas as fervently as I love them, with a chatty conversational style. Her loneliness is palpable and I felt pity for the author that this was her life and focus. But who am I to talk? She's a published author and I'm not. If it weren't for my love of Hawaii, I might have given up on this book. Here's a classic example of Sarah Vowell's writing:
What happened was, one afternoon in 1806 Mills and his college buddies were out for a walk. Getting caught in a storm, they sought shelter under (or maybe next to) a stack of hay. During this impromptu huddle they got to talking about what red-blooded American boys always discuss while shooting the breeze on a rainy day - how missionaries should be sent to Asia. This brainstorm inspired the formation of the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, the group that would eventually sponsor the missionaries to the Sandwich Islands.
Sarah Vowell likes to take intense, deep looks into certain period of American history, finding any all all connections to the people and places. She traces the unification of the Hawaiian islands all the way up until statehood, focusing primarily on the missionaries and the whalers. Vowell gets sidetracked about very minor characters in history, and barely mentions Princess Kaiulani, who actually traveled to Washington D.C. to petition the government for sovereignty. In her description of the illegal annexation of Hawaii, she completely dismisses a key player. It's an interesting choice.
This book challenged some of the assumptions I had about Hawaiian history, having taken more than a few Hawaiian history classes growing up in school in Hawaii. My husband, who grew up in Iowa, never had to take Iowa history, but then again, nobody ever wanted to possess Iowa for its military significance or prime location.
I felt this was an incomplete book, but only because I was educated in the nuances and practical details of the repercussions of Hawaii's statehood. This book is a dense one; expect to need to take frequent breaks.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Carrots and Sticks: Unlock the Power of Incentives to Get Things Done by Ian Ayres
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: Why Americans can only delay gratification for so long, and the benefits of the author's website - StickK.com.
The best way to reach your goal is to risk a significant amount of money that will go to a cause or program that disgusts or offends you. There's no need for a 200 page book, when the book can be distilled to this concept.
And that's where the author's website http://www.stickk.com/ comes into play. Post your goal, put up some money, assign a referee, and decide who gets your money if you don't meet your goal every week or at the end of your assigned time period.
While I appreciate the author's enthusiastic attempt to promote his website - admittedly one I had never heard of before - it got tiresome. The entire book could have been one interesting article in The Washington Post, which I would read and re-post on Facebook. But as a book? Ehh.
My favorite part of the book concerned incentives for employees to remain tobacco free. Apparently smoking is one of the most significant causes of dental decay. In order to reduce the dental bills, certain companies actually administered urine tests to penalize employees who smoked. There is so much social pressure to conform to employees' bad habits that companies have to incentivize good behavior rather than punish bad behavior. I hope companies move towards this trend, but as someone who's married to a labor and employment attorney, I foresee a law suit or two about this issue in the future.
The early parts of the book deal with the psychology of delayed gratification and reasonable goal setting. You have to put up enough money that the failure actually hurts more than success feels great.
Mildly interesting book, once you get past the constant self-promotion.
Summary: Why Americans can only delay gratification for so long, and the benefits of the author's website - StickK.com.
The best way to reach your goal is to risk a significant amount of money that will go to a cause or program that disgusts or offends you. There's no need for a 200 page book, when the book can be distilled to this concept.
And that's where the author's website http://www.stickk.com/ comes into play. Post your goal, put up some money, assign a referee, and decide who gets your money if you don't meet your goal every week or at the end of your assigned time period.
While I appreciate the author's enthusiastic attempt to promote his website - admittedly one I had never heard of before - it got tiresome. The entire book could have been one interesting article in The Washington Post, which I would read and re-post on Facebook. But as a book? Ehh.
My favorite part of the book concerned incentives for employees to remain tobacco free. Apparently smoking is one of the most significant causes of dental decay. In order to reduce the dental bills, certain companies actually administered urine tests to penalize employees who smoked. There is so much social pressure to conform to employees' bad habits that companies have to incentivize good behavior rather than punish bad behavior. I hope companies move towards this trend, but as someone who's married to a labor and employment attorney, I foresee a law suit or two about this issue in the future.
The early parts of the book deal with the psychology of delayed gratification and reasonable goal setting. You have to put up enough money that the failure actually hurts more than success feels great.
Mildly interesting book, once you get past the constant self-promotion.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Sh*t My Dad Says Justin Halpern
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: After he moves back home, a grown son shares his father's comments with the Twitter community.
The actual blog Sh*t My Dad Says is far too vulgar for me, but the book is much better than I expected.
Justin Halpern moves back home with his parents after breaking up with his girlfriend and losing his apartment. His father has now retired and Justin starts posting his dad's comments on his Facebook page.
The book is like a mini-memoir of Justin's, interspersed with his father's quotes. But to me, the quotes only enhanced the story and the character of Sam Halpern, Justin's dad. Sam is a no-nonsense (or no-b*llsh*t) kind of guy with limited patience. In that way, he reminds me of my husband.
Each chapter focuses on a childhood or adult memory of Justin's, with some quotes that make sense in the context and some that are funny for their absurdity. Most stories focus on insecure Justin, but there are both tender and cringe-worthy moments.
Sam Halpern is an old-fashioned guy, who's utterly loyal to his wife, his kids, and his family with a strong sense of work ethic. He's a charmer, too, and a good tipper, which makes me like him more. He says to his son when Justin gets this book deal,
Summary: After he moves back home, a grown son shares his father's comments with the Twitter community.
The actual blog Sh*t My Dad Says is far too vulgar for me, but the book is much better than I expected.
Justin Halpern moves back home with his parents after breaking up with his girlfriend and losing his apartment. His father has now retired and Justin starts posting his dad's comments on his Facebook page.
The book is like a mini-memoir of Justin's, interspersed with his father's quotes. But to me, the quotes only enhanced the story and the character of Sam Halpern, Justin's dad. Sam is a no-nonsense (or no-b*llsh*t) kind of guy with limited patience. In that way, he reminds me of my husband.
Each chapter focuses on a childhood or adult memory of Justin's, with some quotes that make sense in the context and some that are funny for their absurdity. Most stories focus on insecure Justin, but there are both tender and cringe-worthy moments.
Sam Halpern is an old-fashioned guy, who's utterly loyal to his wife, his kids, and his family with a strong sense of work ethic. He's a charmer, too, and a good tipper, which makes me like him more. He says to his son when Justin gets this book deal,
"Maybe I'm not the warmest human being on the f*cking planet, but I love the sh*t out of you."Surprisingly good, but maybe that's because I had such low expectations.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The Idle Parent: Why Laid-Back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids by Tom Hodgkinson
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: The best way to be a parent is to relax and do as little as possible.
I tend to be an uptight parent, worrying that my kids will act as brats in public, which will lead to vandalism, promiscuity, drug use and anarchy.
This book didn't quite inspire me to embrace every concept the author espouses, but the overall message that kids learn by doing and are more competent than we give them credit for was quite a healthy one.
by Amy Chua. The author quotes heavily from A. S. Neill, the founder of the Summerhill School. I often felt like I should be reading A.S. Neill's book, instead of this one. He also darws from Rouseau and Locke and even D.H. Lawrence.
Banish the TV, sleep in, give the kids peas to eat, music to play (ukuleles are great) and let them have pets. All very sensible, normal advice that seems radical once he delves deeper into his reasoning. It turned me off a little when Wilkinson said,
Part of the freedom that Wilkinson praises is the freedom to let them play with their arseholes in public. Whoa, kinda lost me there, buddy.
Even a broken watch is right twice a day, so I can't totally dismiss this book as the writings of a neglectful crackpot, nor can I recommend this book to American parents who are searching for guidelines on how to raise happy kids.
Summary: The best way to be a parent is to relax and do as little as possible.
I tend to be an uptight parent, worrying that my kids will act as brats in public, which will lead to vandalism, promiscuity, drug use and anarchy.
This book didn't quite inspire me to embrace every concept the author espouses, but the overall message that kids learn by doing and are more competent than we give them credit for was quite a healthy one.
Paradoxically, the idle parent is a responsible parent because at the heart of idle parenting is the respect for the child, trust in another human being.This is a lovely sentiment, and one that seems directly to contrast with the new book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
by Amy Chua. The author quotes heavily from A. S. Neill, the founder of the Summerhill School. I often felt like I should be reading A.S. Neill's book, instead of this one. He also darws from Rouseau and Locke and even D.H. Lawrence.Banish the TV, sleep in, give the kids peas to eat, music to play (ukuleles are great) and let them have pets. All very sensible, normal advice that seems radical once he delves deeper into his reasoning. It turned me off a little when Wilkinson said,
My idea of child care is a large field. At one side of the field is a marquee with a bar serving local ales. This is where the parents gather. On the other side of the field, somewhere in the distance, the children play. I don't bother them, and they don't bother me. Give them as much freedom as possible.I am always stunned when people who have more than one child seem to resent being parents. How can the work and joy of one child be forgotten when you decide to have a second? If you see kids as a bother, then yes, be an idle parent. You'll likely be happier.
Part of the freedom that Wilkinson praises is the freedom to let them play with their arseholes in public. Whoa, kinda lost me there, buddy.
Even a broken watch is right twice a day, so I can't totally dismiss this book as the writings of a neglectful crackpot, nor can I recommend this book to American parents who are searching for guidelines on how to raise happy kids.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season of Unlikely Happiness by Laura Munson
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: When Laura Munson's husband asks for a divorce, she refuses.
This was a terrible book. Why did I finish it? The same reason why people rubberneck at gruesome accidents on the side of the road.
I requested this book from the library after the husband of a friend of mine told her he wanted to move out. Was there any way she could avoid a divorce? This woman did. Maybe her ideas would work for my friend.
Aspiring author Laura Munson and her husband live in the wilds of Montana struggling with money, raising two tweens and relying on their elderly parents for money, vacations and trips to find themselves. Then one day:
Yet when her husband says he wants a divorce, she refuses and doesn't engage him in his temper tantrum, as she equates it, insisting that she knows what he needs better than he does. Instead of allowing him to leave their marriage, she gets him helicopter lessons and suggests that he go on an Australian walkabout. She seemed so smug and condescending, staying at home and keeping the home fires burning while her husband goes out drinking and comes home late, if he even comes back at all.
I accept that most memoir authors take a certain amount of liberty with their truth, seeing their world and retelling it through their eyes, but I found actual contradictions within the same chapter. On fourth of July, her family's biggest holiday, she calls her husband at three o'clock to plan buying fireworks together. She tries for the next fifteen minutes with no answer and so they all go home.
Laura Munson had 14 unpublished novels before she published this one. I've read other published novels by worse writers, and other memoirs by much better ones. I appreciate her need to be published, but the tale of a doormat who stays married to a jerk is not worth my time.
Summary: When Laura Munson's husband asks for a divorce, she refuses.
This was a terrible book. Why did I finish it? The same reason why people rubberneck at gruesome accidents on the side of the road.
I requested this book from the library after the husband of a friend of mine told her he wanted to move out. Was there any way she could avoid a divorce? This woman did. Maybe her ideas would work for my friend.
Aspiring author Laura Munson and her husband live in the wilds of Montana struggling with money, raising two tweens and relying on their elderly parents for money, vacations and trips to find themselves. Then one day:
“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”
His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.
He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind….I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.
Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”
You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d…decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.From the way she describes their marriage and early courtship, Laura Munson was obviously the pursuer and a spoiled little rich kid accustomed to getting whatever she wanted. Then her husband tells her they're moving to Montana. She goes along with it, because she doesn't want to upset him.
Yet when her husband says he wants a divorce, she refuses and doesn't engage him in his temper tantrum, as she equates it, insisting that she knows what he needs better than he does. Instead of allowing him to leave their marriage, she gets him helicopter lessons and suggests that he go on an Australian walkabout. She seemed so smug and condescending, staying at home and keeping the home fires burning while her husband goes out drinking and comes home late, if he even comes back at all.
I think I'm a friggin' rock. I want to be married to me.My biggest complaint about this book is that she is living a lie, daily, but instead calls it being reasonable. While she's thinking,
"Grow the fuck up. These are problems of privilege. You're lucky you even have a family to play around with. A house to want to leave. A wife not to love. Skiing, my ass. Fuck off. This is a time to practice gratitude. Not to stay out all night, partying your ass off like a twenty-year-old. Grow up!" But instead I say, "Take a vacation. Go somewhere. Take care of yourself."The dichotomy between how she says she feels and what she actually says seem like the worst kind of self-delusion, not happiness. I feel so bad for her kids, who watch their mother lie to herself and to them and their father abandon her and them.
I am not in denial if I keep my mouth shut, as long as I sweep those thoughts off the front porch of my mind.She says she loves her husband, but I honestly didn't understand why. He seems like a lazy, neglectful asshole with a Peter Pan complex. Even her therapist asks for clarity. Her husband is NEVER mentioned by name, he's only referred to as "he" or "my husband."
I accept that most memoir authors take a certain amount of liberty with their truth, seeing their world and retelling it through their eyes, but I found actual contradictions within the same chapter. On fourth of July, her family's biggest holiday, she calls her husband at three o'clock to plan buying fireworks together. She tries for the next fifteen minutes with no answer and so they all go home.
We spend the next few hours playing a dice game called Farkle on the screen porch. ... At four o'clock, on our way out the door, my husband calls.There simply cannot be several hours and 45 minutes in the same time period. And this is her strongest memory, the example she uses to prove how patient she is and understanding. In the end, her husband decides to stay in the marriage, and tells her by getting satellite cable installed. No big declaration like, "I've been a jerk and I'm sorry." No, he gets satellite cable.
Laura Munson had 14 unpublished novels before she published this one. I've read other published novels by worse writers, and other memoirs by much better ones. I appreciate her need to be published, but the tale of a doormat who stays married to a jerk is not worth my time.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Between Parent and Child by Dr. Haim G. Ginott
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: By mirroring your child's frustration back to him or her, you express empathy and understanding.
This parenting book opened with a charming example of how to parent your child:
The principle piece of advice in this book is that you mirror back your child's frustration, often putting words or ideas in their heads. "You seem disappointed. " or "That must have made you so mad!" But what I felt was lacking was any form of trying to help the child figure out a solution for next time. Just expressing sympathy doesn't seem like enough of a response to me. The next step was missing. I tried this with my son and he whined even longer and harder. "You really want a gum ball and you're sad that you can't have one." Any parenting advice that extends the tantrum won't work for us. This also seemed to focus on children who are in school full-time, a situation not yet appropriate to us.
Another valuable piece of advice was to avoid blank statements like "That was bad." or "Good job." What would be more helpful would be to express characteristics you would like your child to embody. "You shared your toy with your sister. How kind." or "Look at you, you did it!" This is advice often found in other parenting books I've read, including Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline
.
One skill I'm still working on:
Summary: By mirroring your child's frustration back to him or her, you express empathy and understanding.
This parenting book opened with a charming example of how to parent your child:
What do we say to a guest who forgets her umbrella? Do we run after her and say, "What is the matter with you? Every time you come to visit you forget something. If it's not one thing, it's another. Why can't you be like your younger sister? When she comes to visit, she knows how to behave. You're forty-four years old! Will you never learn? I'm not a slave to pick up after you! I bet you'd forget your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders!" That's not what we say to a guest. We say, "Here's your umbrella, Alice," without adding, "scatterbrain."
Parents need to learn to respond to their children as they do to guests.How loving and what an inspiration to parents. But the rest of the book seemed incomplete to me. Perhaps it's because my children are too young to respond or perhaps the advice does not offer enough follow through.
The principle piece of advice in this book is that you mirror back your child's frustration, often putting words or ideas in their heads. "You seem disappointed. " or "That must have made you so mad!" But what I felt was lacking was any form of trying to help the child figure out a solution for next time. Just expressing sympathy doesn't seem like enough of a response to me. The next step was missing. I tried this with my son and he whined even longer and harder. "You really want a gum ball and you're sad that you can't have one." Any parenting advice that extends the tantrum won't work for us. This also seemed to focus on children who are in school full-time, a situation not yet appropriate to us.
Another valuable piece of advice was to avoid blank statements like "That was bad." or "Good job." What would be more helpful would be to express characteristics you would like your child to embody. "You shared your toy with your sister. How kind." or "Look at you, you did it!" This is advice often found in other parenting books I've read, including Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline
.One skill I'm still working on:
When children interrupt adult conversations, adults usually react angrily: "Don't be rude. It is impolite to interrupt." However, interrupting the interrupter is also impolite. Parents should not be rude in the process of enforcing child politeness. Perhaps it would be better to state, "I would like to finish telling my story."Originally published in 1965, this book did seem out of date, with just the basics mentioned in more recent parenting books. It's not that the advice wasn't good, it just wasn't complete enough or relevant enough for my life. I considered three stars, since this book is not bad, but found that if I were to recommend any parenting book, this one wouldn't even make the list.
Friday, November 26, 2010
NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: Nurtureshock challenges many accepted modern parenting beliefs by sharing case studies and research.
, now.) Since Po Bronson is also the author of What Should I do with My Life?
, I had hoped that Nurtureshock would end up being more like How Should I Parent My Kid? but it feels scold-y and superior.
Each chapter states a commonly held parenting belief - My kid doesn't lie; PBS television is better than regular TV; Gifted kids always stay gifted; Siblings make for better adults - and tears them down. It opens with the oft-repeated conventional wisdom, then uses a specific case study of one child to disprove that theory. Then comes a fairly obscure and limited research project that invalidates the original (wrong) belief. The research answers are encouraging, but somehow they just don't make for sexy headlines.
If you're an insecure parent who relies on lots of statistics, this book will appeal to you. If you feel able to buck parenting trends and have one or two parenting books that make sense to you, you can skip this book without feeling like you're missing anything.
Summary: Nurtureshock challenges many accepted modern parenting beliefs by sharing case studies and research.
"Nurtureshock," as the term is generally used, refers to the panic - common among new parents- that the mythical foundation of knowledge is not magically kicking in at all.I was hoping this book would simply say: Calm down, parents, but instead it actually made me more nervous. (I think I'll have to reread Free-Range Kids
, now.) Since Po Bronson is also the author of What Should I do with My Life?, I had hoped that Nurtureshock would end up being more like How Should I Parent My Kid? but it feels scold-y and superior.Each chapter states a commonly held parenting belief - My kid doesn't lie; PBS television is better than regular TV; Gifted kids always stay gifted; Siblings make for better adults - and tears them down. It opens with the oft-repeated conventional wisdom, then uses a specific case study of one child to disprove that theory. Then comes a fairly obscure and limited research project that invalidates the original (wrong) belief. The research answers are encouraging, but somehow they just don't make for sexy headlines.
If you're an insecure parent who relies on lots of statistics, this book will appeal to you. If you feel able to buck parenting trends and have one or two parenting books that make sense to you, you can skip this book without feeling like you're missing anything.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The $64 Tomato: How One Man Nearly Lost His Sanity, Spent a Fortune, and Endured an Existential Crisis in the Quest for the Perfect Garden by William Alexander
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A father notes the process of building and growing his ideal garden.
The idea of how delicious a $64 tomato would taste makes me swoon a little in anticipation, so of course I had to read this book.
It’s quite funny. I found myself laughing in almost every chapter, as Alexander shares the joys, triumphs and frustrations of establishing a home garden.
Having grown up gardening and growing my own (award-winning) food as a child, I now find gardening books about as interesting as a book on dental work. Been there, done that and now will you please shut up about it since I had the sense to stop and you didn’t? I know how obsessive people get about their gardens, but hearing people talk about their gardens is, for me, like hearing old people talk about their ailments. They find it interesting but don’t know when to stop.
Alexander calls it correctly when he says,
Way better than Coop
but not as good as Animal Vegetable Miracle
, this book is a nice companion for people who still wistfully look over the Burpee seed catalog, but sigh and instead head to the co-op or their CSA pick-up.
Summary: A father notes the process of building and growing his ideal garden.
The idea of how delicious a $64 tomato would taste makes me swoon a little in anticipation, so of course I had to read this book.
It’s quite funny. I found myself laughing in almost every chapter, as Alexander shares the joys, triumphs and frustrations of establishing a home garden.
Having grown up gardening and growing my own (award-winning) food as a child, I now find gardening books about as interesting as a book on dental work. Been there, done that and now will you please shut up about it since I had the sense to stop and you didn’t? I know how obsessive people get about their gardens, but hearing people talk about their gardens is, for me, like hearing old people talk about their ailments. They find it interesting but don’t know when to stop.
“People – all people, including me – have no objectivity when it comes to their driving, their cooking, or their gardens.”Yet, despite their obliviousness, there is something special about a garden.
Alexander calls it correctly when he says,
“It seemed to say, “Come, bring me your seeds and water, and I will reward you.” And it would. And also humble me, and teach me, and become a place of solace, a battleground, a source of pride, a source of frustration, a time sink, a respite.”Alexander chronicles his struggles with growing apples:
“Not only was I still trying to live up to the exemplar of my father’s organic apple orchard, but I am a natural-fibers, NPR-supporting, recycling, compost-making, left-of-center environmentalist, and I put my money where my mouth is, supporting local groups like Scenic Hudson to clean our rivers and curb development. Yet I was an environmentalist with a problem: I wanted to grow apples.
So when the serpent offered me the pesticide-sprayed apple,… I accepted it.”Roses, herbs, his battles with a groundhog he calls Superchuck (think Caddyshack) and his beautiful $64 Brandywine tomatoes.
Way better than Coop
but not as good as Animal Vegetable Miracle, this book is a nice companion for people who still wistfully look over the Burpee seed catalog, but sigh and instead head to the co-op or their CSA pick-up.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in The Morning by Celia Rivenbark
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A series of comedic newspaper articles about life, kids and marriage by a Southern columnist.
“Coupled with the sad fact that I’m not Really Nice at all is this awful personality defect that makes me crack a joke at the worst possible time.” Me too, hons, me too.
I just discovered Celia Rivenbark, my newest favorite humorist. Maybe I was in the right mood, or maybe I just started with her best book, but I found You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in The Morning
to be the funniest of the many books she has out.
Celia Rivenbark, who often refers to herself as Mama Celia, likes TV, likes to eat cheese, and she’s a bit of a princess, with a low tolerance for morons – just like me. Of course, she’s Southern and I am not.
With regards to camping:
I didn’t enjoy Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits
, simply because most of her stories revolve around construction and home repair. That’s simply not interesting to me. Stuck in the middle of stories about varmint capture and trips to Home depot is an open letter to Britney Spears, whom Mama Celia wants to love and protect.
In Bless Your Heart, Tramp, and other Southern Endearments
, Rivenbark asks:
Life is funny and Rivenbark takes it to the absurd and beyond. You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in The Morning
is my favorite of all her novels. And yes, I have read them all.
Summary: A series of comedic newspaper articles about life, kids and marriage by a Southern columnist.
“Coupled with the sad fact that I’m not Really Nice at all is this awful personality defect that makes me crack a joke at the worst possible time.” Me too, hons, me too.
I just discovered Celia Rivenbark, my newest favorite humorist. Maybe I was in the right mood, or maybe I just started with her best book, but I found You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in The Morning
to be the funniest of the many books she has out.Celia Rivenbark, who often refers to herself as Mama Celia, likes TV, likes to eat cheese, and she’s a bit of a princess, with a low tolerance for morons – just like me. Of course, she’s Southern and I am not.
With regards to camping:
“Then there was the “urgent media advisory” from the makers of a handheld bug-repelling device that 'efficiently repels black flies, mosquitoes, and no-see-ums.' You know what else repels those insects? Hotel rooms.”And her fitness level mirrors mine.
"I have several close friends who have run marathons, a word that is actually derived from two Swahili words: mara, which means “to die a horrible death,” and thon, which means “for a stupid t-shirt.” Look it up."Every time she cracks an insensitive joke, I howl with laughter and wonder if I'm a meaner person than I thought.
"What is it with men, anyway?
Hons, I have to tell you that I was crushed at the revelations that my former political crush, John Edwards, had strayed.
My attractive single friend Susie quipped over a glass of wine when the news leaked that she was upset about Edwards’ cheating heart for two reasons.
“On the one hand, it’s just so horribly disappointing that he's that kind of man,” se said, “but on the other hand, I’m upset because all this time I didn’t know he was available."If you take yourself seriously, this will NOT be the book for you.
I didn’t enjoy Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits
, simply because most of her stories revolve around construction and home repair. That’s simply not interesting to me. Stuck in the middle of stories about varmint capture and trips to Home depot is an open letter to Britney Spears, whom Mama Celia wants to love and protect.“Brit, the problem, as I see it, is that you had two babies in twelve months. This has caused you to go astronaut-lady-in-diapers level of crazy and nobody seems to understand that.”
In Bless Your Heart, Tramp, and other Southern Endearments
, Rivenbark asks:“Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: My fifteen-year-old’s in Detox and Not Speaking To Any of Us” or “My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders.”This reminds of a bumper sticker I saw that read: My Kid Knocked Up Your Honor Student.
Life is funny and Rivenbark takes it to the absurd and beyond. You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in The Morning
is my favorite of all her novels. And yes, I have read them all.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A 42-year-old unmarried journalist researches the dating market with the goal of finding a husband who meets every requirement on her Husband List.
Get over yourself!
That’s basically the advice that 41-year-old Lori Gottleib gives single women over 35. No other book I’ve read lately (or at least in the past 5 years) has made me so glad and grateful to be married.
Believe me, I’m not interested in dating anyone else but this book gave me a kick in the pants to stop complaining about my husband. I always thought I got a pretty good deal but now I’m realizing that by marrying young, I got a great deal.
This book was an easy-to-read mix of the author’s personal experience, case studies from friends and colleagues, professionals in the dating and marriage business and science. She reviews marriage expectations with people who divorced, people in arranged marriages, people who “settled” and are happy over it, and women who wouldn’t settle and are still alone. Many divorce experts say that marrying the wrong guy for a fleeting sensation like excitement instead of stability feels like settling but really leads to unhappiness down the road.
And she talks about maximizers versus satisfiers, one of my favorite topics. I’m trying to change my own shopping habits from being a maximizer to a satisfier. I always wonder if I could get a better deal on that pair of black pants, and go from store to store looking for the perfect pair. What I should have done is bought the pair of black pants that I originally thought were too expensive but that I ended up buying anyway after I bought two other disappointing pair for $30 each. So I ended up spending $160 for a pair of black pants that really only cost everybody else $100 and made a second trip out to the fancy mall.
When you look at your life, or your man, or your job for that matter, you will always make yourself unhappy, especially if you’re a maximizer, if you ask, “How does this compare to what I though I wanted? But if you ask yourself, “Do I like this?” then you have a better perspective and a better chance for happiness. Just as you shouldn’t settle for someone who treats you badly, if you and your beloved don’t share a love of college football, in general, do you like him?
Know what you want, know what a good value is, and when you find it – stop looking!
So that same advice goes for women looking for a husband. Don’t think that perfect guy is out there – 6’1”, green eyes, dimples, high earner, exciting, passionate, understanding, good listener. Pick your 5 needs (loyal, smart, responsible, affectionate and tolerant) and separate them from your wants (world-traveler, funny-but-not-funnier-than-me, well-read, must love dogs and good dancer.)
Once you know what you need, you open up your choices and find a way to look at people with new eyes. This is terribly hard for Gottleib, as she still doesn’t want to settle. And when her friends, or the matchmakers or the online dating sites convince her to look deeper or at least go out on one date with someone she wouldn’t consider, that man is often unavailable by the time she changes her mind. That happened several times in the book and while I would be feeling desperate, Gottleib still seems to think she’s some smoking hot 25-year-old. With a kid.
She doesn’t realize that she has to settle for someone who would actually want to date her. The dawning of this insight is a lowering experience to read about and will make you hug your husband even tighter.
Summary: A 42-year-old unmarried journalist researches the dating market with the goal of finding a husband who meets every requirement on her Husband List.
Get over yourself!
That’s basically the advice that 41-year-old Lori Gottleib gives single women over 35. No other book I’ve read lately (or at least in the past 5 years) has made me so glad and grateful to be married.
Believe me, I’m not interested in dating anyone else but this book gave me a kick in the pants to stop complaining about my husband. I always thought I got a pretty good deal but now I’m realizing that by marrying young, I got a great deal.
Says Gottlieb: “What I didn’t realize when I chose to date only men who excited me from the get-go (without considering the practical side of things), is that what makes for a good marriage isn’t necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. According to my married friends, once you’re married, it’s not so much about who you want to go on a tropical vacation with; it’s about who you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a constant passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane nonprofit business.”Gottlieb is also a single mother by choice, having chosen artificial insemination because she wanted a kid far more than she wanted to “settle” with any of the men in her life. And from what she shared, some of the men she dated would have made terrible fathers. Gottleib’s Husband List of the qualities she needs in a husband is so long and so specific that you can’t help but realize that Gottlieb has been way too picky, esp. since she says she wants to get married, but won’t consider anyone under 5’5”.
This book was an easy-to-read mix of the author’s personal experience, case studies from friends and colleagues, professionals in the dating and marriage business and science. She reviews marriage expectations with people who divorced, people in arranged marriages, people who “settled” and are happy over it, and women who wouldn’t settle and are still alone. Many divorce experts say that marrying the wrong guy for a fleeting sensation like excitement instead of stability feels like settling but really leads to unhappiness down the road.
And she talks about maximizers versus satisfiers, one of my favorite topics. I’m trying to change my own shopping habits from being a maximizer to a satisfier. I always wonder if I could get a better deal on that pair of black pants, and go from store to store looking for the perfect pair. What I should have done is bought the pair of black pants that I originally thought were too expensive but that I ended up buying anyway after I bought two other disappointing pair for $30 each. So I ended up spending $160 for a pair of black pants that really only cost everybody else $100 and made a second trip out to the fancy mall.
When you look at your life, or your man, or your job for that matter, you will always make yourself unhappy, especially if you’re a maximizer, if you ask, “How does this compare to what I though I wanted? But if you ask yourself, “Do I like this?” then you have a better perspective and a better chance for happiness. Just as you shouldn’t settle for someone who treats you badly, if you and your beloved don’t share a love of college football, in general, do you like him?
Know what you want, know what a good value is, and when you find it – stop looking!
So that same advice goes for women looking for a husband. Don’t think that perfect guy is out there – 6’1”, green eyes, dimples, high earner, exciting, passionate, understanding, good listener. Pick your 5 needs (loyal, smart, responsible, affectionate and tolerant) and separate them from your wants (world-traveler, funny-but-not-funnier-than-me, well-read, must love dogs and good dancer.)
Once you know what you need, you open up your choices and find a way to look at people with new eyes. This is terribly hard for Gottleib, as she still doesn’t want to settle. And when her friends, or the matchmakers or the online dating sites convince her to look deeper or at least go out on one date with someone she wouldn’t consider, that man is often unavailable by the time she changes her mind. That happened several times in the book and while I would be feeling desperate, Gottleib still seems to think she’s some smoking hot 25-year-old. With a kid.
She doesn’t realize that she has to settle for someone who would actually want to date her. The dawning of this insight is a lowering experience to read about and will make you hug your husband even tighter.
“Women under 30 might be dating a great guy, but there’s this one thing they think he’s lacking. They’re with an 8 but they ant a 10. Then they’re 40 and they can only get a 5! So they gave up the 8 in order to hold out for the 10, only to end up with a 5 – or nothing.”In the end, Gottlieb tells about her encounters with the 5s and 6s she’s met and checks back in with the happily married 7s, 8s, and 9s she passed by. This was an enjoyable book and one I’d love to give to my single friends, if only they wouldn’t be offended by it.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Saving Face: My Victory over Skin Cancer by Carolyn Shuck
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: A woman chronicles her battle and victory over skin cancer in the 1970s.
I’m dealing with my own skin cancer and Carolyn Shuck’s story of diagnosis, treatment, recovery and struggles with facial skin cancer in the early 1970s, while not quite “inspirational,” was encouraging and helpful.
I was taken aback by the contrast in our styles to our skin cancer despite our similar personalities and life stories. Her skin cancer was diagnosed in the 1970s and she mentions using sunscreen once. Once! Only years after her skin cancer diagnosis, does she give up playing golf, because she doesn’t want to damage her skin even more. She was living in Minneapolis, where I live now. She also has three children, as do I.
It helps that Carolyn Shuck is enormously wealthy and can make monthly plan trips to Madison, WI from La Jolla, CA. Of course, she is seeing the world’s finest skin cancer doctor. If you had the money, wouldn’t you pay to see the best doctor?
Dr. Mohs cuts and removes only the cancerous cells, but his cutting has left her without both sides of her nose and with damage to her forehead and cheek.
At times it seems as if her husband is deliberately sabotaging her efforts:
Carolyn naively thinks that she’ll just get a little extra work done on her plastic surgery but instead encounters an arrogant prick of a different doctor at the Mayo Clinic. He has no idea what he is doing, but his arrogance comes across as confidence and Carolyn so wants to believe that she can have a normal nose again and doesn't bother to ask the right questions. After six botched surgeries on her nose by the Mayo Clinic doctor, she gives up and gets a prosthetic nose. Her husband, DeWitt, thinks she should be happy, but Carolyn still struggles with the daily struggle of putting her fake nose (a third one, after she rejected the ill-fitting and racially mismatched noses another doctor created for her) on and off every day.
“After eleven failed attempts at a nose, why was I asking for more?” Carolyn perfectly expresses her challenges of trying to get healthy and trying to be a good wife and mother.
Carolyn Shuck encountered a lot of people who said incredibly stupid things to a woman with a severe facial disfigurement. “I was glad I’d taken Psychology 101 and knew intelligence isn’t distributed equally: for each very bright person there is one very stupid person.” While I don’t have any facial disfigurement, I did and do feel very self-conscious about my face after treatment.
The writing is simplistic, but well-told with a few scattered narrative leaps. Great story and helpful for anyone dealing with any stage of skin cancer.
Summary: A woman chronicles her battle and victory over skin cancer in the 1970s.
I’m dealing with my own skin cancer and Carolyn Shuck’s story of diagnosis, treatment, recovery and struggles with facial skin cancer in the early 1970s, while not quite “inspirational,” was encouraging and helpful.
I was taken aback by the contrast in our styles to our skin cancer despite our similar personalities and life stories. Her skin cancer was diagnosed in the 1970s and she mentions using sunscreen once. Once! Only years after her skin cancer diagnosis, does she give up playing golf, because she doesn’t want to damage her skin even more. She was living in Minneapolis, where I live now. She also has three children, as do I.
It helps that Carolyn Shuck is enormously wealthy and can make monthly plan trips to Madison, WI from La Jolla, CA. Of course, she is seeing the world’s finest skin cancer doctor. If you had the money, wouldn’t you pay to see the best doctor?
Dr. Mohs cuts and removes only the cancerous cells, but his cutting has left her without both sides of her nose and with damage to her forehead and cheek.
At times it seems as if her husband is deliberately sabotaging her efforts:
“How I wanted him to hold me and tell me he loved me now and he’d always love me. That no matter what happened, I’d always be beautiful to him and that he couldn’t bear to be away from me either.
But few men have scripts in their hands for a scene like this. I’m sure he didn’t know what to say. He gently pushed me away, fixed me a drink, and brought me up on the new details of our California move.”In addition, they move to La Jolla, California, go on trips to Singapore and walk along the beach. I don’t know if the extremely wealthy see no reason why their lives have to change when tragedy strikes, but she didn’t seem as active with preventative measures as I am now. Granted, I am struggling with skin cancer 30 years later. The world has changed a lot since then. However, the topical chemotherapy cream 5FU, which Carolyn tested back in the 1970s, is still in use today. (Yes, the cream does F-yoU.)
Carolyn naively thinks that she’ll just get a little extra work done on her plastic surgery but instead encounters an arrogant prick of a different doctor at the Mayo Clinic. He has no idea what he is doing, but his arrogance comes across as confidence and Carolyn so wants to believe that she can have a normal nose again and doesn't bother to ask the right questions. After six botched surgeries on her nose by the Mayo Clinic doctor, she gives up and gets a prosthetic nose. Her husband, DeWitt, thinks she should be happy, but Carolyn still struggles with the daily struggle of putting her fake nose (a third one, after she rejected the ill-fitting and racially mismatched noses another doctor created for her) on and off every day.
“After eleven failed attempts at a nose, why was I asking for more?” Carolyn perfectly expresses her challenges of trying to get healthy and trying to be a good wife and mother.
Carolyn Shuck encountered a lot of people who said incredibly stupid things to a woman with a severe facial disfigurement. “I was glad I’d taken Psychology 101 and knew intelligence isn’t distributed equally: for each very bright person there is one very stupid person.” While I don’t have any facial disfigurement, I did and do feel very self-conscious about my face after treatment.
"I’m an extrovert, always have been. I both enjoy and need closeness to other people; need to hear what’s happening in their lives and to tell them what’s happening in mine. And all the communication isn’t verbal – with my face I’ve laughed with my friends and cried with them, expressed sympathy for them and enlisted their sympathy in return
Would they be uncomfortable, now, in my presence? Not know what to say or where to look? With a glaring defect in the middle of my face, would I find their attention focused on that instead of on me? Would they pity me??
I couldn’t stand that."This so perfectly captures the sentiment I feel that I may re-read this book, just so I don’t feel alone or when I feel like hiding my face from others.
The writing is simplistic, but well-told with a few scattered narrative leaps. Great story and helpful for anyone dealing with any stage of skin cancer.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Smart Girls Marry Money by Daniela Drake and Elizabeth Ford
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: Don't let love or hot sex rob you of long-term financial security. Marry Money.
I've done it all wrong.
You're never supposed to marry and put your husband through graduate school. Apparently I wasted all those early years sacrificing my career for him.
You marry him just after he becomes a success, while you're still young and hot. Whoops! I did marry him when we were both young and hot, but he was far from a success at the time.
You never ever make more money than he does. (even if you are putting him through school). The only way I could put my husband through school is because I was making more money than he was.
Brazilian waxes are just wrong, according to the authors. Well, live in California for a few months, and then we'll talk.
This book was hard for me to read and finish partly because I felt the authors gave conflicting advice. Get married as soon as the man is successful, not before. Then don't have kids, because if you divorce, you become less desirable. But if you do have kids and you work, then hire a nanny because you'll never be successful if you cater to your kids' schedule. And lock your husband into marriage and make it too expensive for him to divorce you. Get a job, because that's the best way to meet men. Use your sexuality at work to advance your career, but never become more successful than the man you're pursing or married to, because then he can't perform. Lower your standards about who's acceptable, because looks fade, but mutual funds can go the distance. And the book opens with the words:
Summary: Don't let love or hot sex rob you of long-term financial security. Marry Money.
I've done it all wrong.
You're never supposed to marry and put your husband through graduate school. Apparently I wasted all those early years sacrificing my career for him.
You marry him just after he becomes a success, while you're still young and hot. Whoops! I did marry him when we were both young and hot, but he was far from a success at the time.
You never ever make more money than he does. (even if you are putting him through school). The only way I could put my husband through school is because I was making more money than he was.
Brazilian waxes are just wrong, according to the authors. Well, live in California for a few months, and then we'll talk.
This book was hard for me to read and finish partly because I felt the authors gave conflicting advice. Get married as soon as the man is successful, not before. Then don't have kids, because if you divorce, you become less desirable. But if you do have kids and you work, then hire a nanny because you'll never be successful if you cater to your kids' schedule. And lock your husband into marriage and make it too expensive for him to divorce you. Get a job, because that's the best way to meet men. Use your sexuality at work to advance your career, but never become more successful than the man you're pursing or married to, because then he can't perform. Lower your standards about who's acceptable, because looks fade, but mutual funds can go the distance. And the book opens with the words:
"If being in love is a valid reason to marry, then being out of love is a valid reason to divorce."It doesn't get any more cheerful than that. Basically, arrange your own marriage, settle for like instead of love and get a good financial planner (and attorney).
Thursday, July 1, 2010
I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper by Trisha Ashworth, Amy Nobile
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: Quotes from husbands, wives, mothers and fathers of the strain having kids can put on a marriage.
This book is a humorous summary of how I feel about married life with kids.
While it doesn't really have concrete examples of what to do to make your marriage important, it will really help you if you feel like you're the only wife who has to bite her tongue when your husband takes a clean bowl out of the dishwasher to serve himself only. You are not alone.
Summary: Quotes from husbands, wives, mothers and fathers of the strain having kids can put on a marriage.
This book is a humorous summary of how I feel about married life with kids.
- Having kids is hard.
- Standards will slip.
- Have lots of sex.
- Laugh off the minor things.
- Make your marriage important.
- Don't wait for the kids to leave the house to spend some time with your spouse.
While it doesn't really have concrete examples of what to do to make your marriage important, it will really help you if you feel like you're the only wife who has to bite her tongue when your husband takes a clean bowl out of the dishwasher to serve himself only. You are not alone.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Somewhere Inside: One Sister's Captivity in North Korea and the Other's Fight to Bring her Home by Laura Ling and Lisa Ling
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: Lisa Ling recounts her struggle to bring home her sister Laura Ling from North Korea while Laura narrates her time under North Korean jailers.
I was given a copy of this book by the publisher.
North Koreans guards dragged these two injured frightened women back across a frozen river onto North Korean soil. Laura and Euna tried to grab bushes, rocks, ice anything to keep them on Chinese soil. Finally, all they could hold onto was each other, but they were soon forced apart.
I called my sister tonight just to confirm that she would do everything she could to bring me home if I'm ever in a North Korean jail.
The love between these two sisters is amazing. Lisa Ling's powerful love for her sister is expressed through everything Lisa did to bring her sister Laura home, navigating the tricky world of American politics as well. When a homeless man calls out to Lisa, "I'm praying for your sister!" I teared up.
I avidly followed the story of two journalists -Laura Ling and Euna Lee- working for Al Gore's network Current and cried when they made it home safe and alive. I'm always a little suspicious when Americans are captured on foreign soil and then claim they didn't know the boundaries. (The hikers currently imprisoned in Iran are from Minnesota). But that's more because I'm a conspiracy theorist and believe that the CIA and NSA are smart and tricky. Plus journalists tend to have free access and are nosier, so who better to be a spy than a journalist? It sickens me a little to think that I have the same train of thought as a North Korean interrogator.
Laura will narrate her version of one event and then Lisa will narrate the same event from her perspective. In addition to have each sister's voice be a different font, this style lets them tell a complicated story with ease. It didn't annoy me the way it did others; it helped me.
Carefully spoken messages and scanned letters simply don't tell Laura's friends and family what is happening. Laura's health issues prevent her from being sent to the hard labor camps, but she's suffering from such ill health, they can't send her. Laura's retelling of her un-anesthetized endoscopy made me wince. Plus Laura has to try to give the North Koreans a public apology by some established American and make that American publicly apologize. Meanwhile Lisa is juggling the offices of John Kerry, Bill Richardson, Hillary Clinton (who made the first public apology and then was mocked and insulted by the North Korean government), Al Gore, Bill Clinton and the White House.
I'm so grateful that we are the land of the free and the home of the brave. I also plan to read The World Is Bigger Now: An American Journalist's Release from Captivity in North Korea by Euna Lee and Lisa Dickey
. Euna was separated from her husband and young daughter and kept in a separate area from Laura Ling.
Summary: Lisa Ling recounts her struggle to bring home her sister Laura Ling from North Korea while Laura narrates her time under North Korean jailers.
I was given a copy of this book by the publisher.
North Koreans guards dragged these two injured frightened women back across a frozen river onto North Korean soil. Laura and Euna tried to grab bushes, rocks, ice anything to keep them on Chinese soil. Finally, all they could hold onto was each other, but they were soon forced apart.
I called my sister tonight just to confirm that she would do everything she could to bring me home if I'm ever in a North Korean jail.
The love between these two sisters is amazing. Lisa Ling's powerful love for her sister is expressed through everything Lisa did to bring her sister Laura home, navigating the tricky world of American politics as well. When a homeless man calls out to Lisa, "I'm praying for your sister!" I teared up.
I avidly followed the story of two journalists -Laura Ling and Euna Lee- working for Al Gore's network Current and cried when they made it home safe and alive. I'm always a little suspicious when Americans are captured on foreign soil and then claim they didn't know the boundaries. (The hikers currently imprisoned in Iran are from Minnesota). But that's more because I'm a conspiracy theorist and believe that the CIA and NSA are smart and tricky. Plus journalists tend to have free access and are nosier, so who better to be a spy than a journalist? It sickens me a little to think that I have the same train of thought as a North Korean interrogator.
Laura will narrate her version of one event and then Lisa will narrate the same event from her perspective. In addition to have each sister's voice be a different font, this style lets them tell a complicated story with ease. It didn't annoy me the way it did others; it helped me.
Carefully spoken messages and scanned letters simply don't tell Laura's friends and family what is happening. Laura's health issues prevent her from being sent to the hard labor camps, but she's suffering from such ill health, they can't send her. Laura's retelling of her un-anesthetized endoscopy made me wince. Plus Laura has to try to give the North Koreans a public apology by some established American and make that American publicly apologize. Meanwhile Lisa is juggling the offices of John Kerry, Bill Richardson, Hillary Clinton (who made the first public apology and then was mocked and insulted by the North Korean government), Al Gore, Bill Clinton and the White House.
I'm so grateful that we are the land of the free and the home of the brave. I also plan to read The World Is Bigger Now: An American Journalist's Release from Captivity in North Korea by Euna Lee and Lisa Dickey
. Euna was separated from her husband and young daughter and kept in a separate area from Laura Ling.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Set-Apart Femininity: God's Sacred Intent for Every Young Woman by Leslie Ludy
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: To truly be a Christian means accepting God's will and plan for your life, including your sexuality.
Single? Christian? Don't fear. God has a plan for you. Dress stylishly, but not like a slut. Get out and meet people, but as a way to spread God's Word and Love. Pray for an hour each day.
I've distilled the advice for you and can make it into a pamphlet if you want. Certainly, it doesn't have to be this long. This book is supposed to provide comfort to college-aged women who are looking for marriage and a life partner. Drawing on Bible verses and historical accounts of women called to serve Christ, readers are meant to acknowledge that God has a plan for each of us. Pray hard enough, devote your life to serving Christ, and love and marriage will follow if God has decided you should find love and marriage.
While I do have a Jesuit education, having the New Testament dictate my relationship with my husband feels false. The author makes a big point of changing her name to her husband's after their marriage but doesn't even consider that her husband might also want to make a symbolic gesture showing his commitment.
Summary: To truly be a Christian means accepting God's will and plan for your life, including your sexuality.
Single? Christian? Don't fear. God has a plan for you. Dress stylishly, but not like a slut. Get out and meet people, but as a way to spread God's Word and Love. Pray for an hour each day.
I've distilled the advice for you and can make it into a pamphlet if you want. Certainly, it doesn't have to be this long. This book is supposed to provide comfort to college-aged women who are looking for marriage and a life partner. Drawing on Bible verses and historical accounts of women called to serve Christ, readers are meant to acknowledge that God has a plan for each of us. Pray hard enough, devote your life to serving Christ, and love and marriage will follow if God has decided you should find love and marriage.
While I do have a Jesuit education, having the New Testament dictate my relationship with my husband feels false. The author makes a big point of changing her name to her husband's after their marriage but doesn't even consider that her husband might also want to make a symbolic gesture showing his commitment.
"Bearing Eric's name meant building my life around my new name."I think you can love God and be a feminist, but this book doesn't agree. What do you think?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
You're Teaching My Child What?: A Physician Exposes the Lies of Sex Education and How They Can Harm Your Child by Miriam Grossman M.D.
Please note: Links pointing to Amazon contain my affiliate ID. Sales resulting from clicks on those links will earn me a percentage of the purchase price. So buy and read now!
Summary: The emphasis on all sexual behavior being normal leads to high rates of STDs.
Say what you like about abstinence education (Bristol Palin would be the first to tell you it doesn't work), but when you bash Planned Parenthood on page 4, you've pretty much lost credibility with me.
I understand the author's point - that making any kind of sexual deviancy seem normal actually harms children and their sexuality.
Experimenting with multiple partners, S&M, same sex intimacy when a child is NOT gay, all of this behavior can lead to sexually transmitted diseases, the potential for infertility and emotionally unhealthy adult relationships.
I am not unsympathetic to the author's concerns over STDs, but the blind anger against Planned Parenthood and other sites about teen sexuality do not do much to solve the problem.
Summary: The emphasis on all sexual behavior being normal leads to high rates of STDs.
Say what you like about abstinence education (Bristol Palin would be the first to tell you it doesn't work), but when you bash Planned Parenthood on page 4, you've pretty much lost credibility with me.
I understand the author's point - that making any kind of sexual deviancy seem normal actually harms children and their sexuality.
Experimenting with multiple partners, S&M, same sex intimacy when a child is NOT gay, all of this behavior can lead to sexually transmitted diseases, the potential for infertility and emotionally unhealthy adult relationships.
I am not unsympathetic to the author's concerns over STDs, but the blind anger against Planned Parenthood and other sites about teen sexuality do not do much to solve the problem.
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